MINE

This post was previously a part of the "Randomness" post but I gave it its own since really it's not random and the other one would be too long to read had I not split them up.

I always get insights into God when I watch my children. I feel like God's parenting of us is just a much bigger version of what we are doing in parenting our children. Charley's favorite words are "mine" and "no." Today I was getting her out of the car and asked her if she wanted me to hold her sippy cup. She said "mine" in this disgruntled voice (terse, clipped) and grabbed on to it for dear life (with both arms around it). I thought it was so funny because of course I knew it was hers because I made it for her and gave it to her. I also picked it up 100 times in the car and returned it to her. I was just asking because I wanted to help her and make it easier for her. I wonder how many times a day God gently nudges us in some direction regarding some circumstance that we grab on for dear life and basically say "mine" like an 18-month-old. If we would just let go of some of our perceived control He could make things easier for us.

Of course I'm preaching to myself right now. This topic is something I've been working on alot recently. Can I give up my perceived control and trust that God is good and He will get me through anything? I haven't been able to do that. Of course I believe it 100% but there is a part of me that just won't give up the worrying. What freedom I could have if I could just give it all to God (it all basically means my family, including myself). I feel that when I get close to the edge of giving it all to God my next thought is "is this even real?"..."this whole thing is pretty far-fetched"..."you can't just allow yourself to have peace and not have proof that this God and Jesus even exist." Then, my thoughts go down a different road. Ugh, I drive myself crazy.

Anyway, this week Beth Moore's daughter Amanda had a blog post the night before she received test results regarding her 15-month-old daughter. There was concern that her daughter would have to have surgery and wear a body cast due to hip dysplasia but it turned out to be just fine. She posted a prayer that is framed in her daughter's room and I loved it because it speaks to what I am trying to do but have such a hard time doing. I've read a few of the comments on that particular blog post where other mothers have commented and one that stuck out to me was how you continually give your children to God but then take them back for yourself to only realize again you need to give them back to God. So, I see myself just like Charley. I hold on to Ryan & Charley for dear life screaming "MINE....DON'T MESS WITH THEM" (or don't mess with me because they need me). I imagine God is chuckling to Himself (like I was with Charley) thinking "Doesn't she know how much I love them?"..."It will all work together for her own good"..."when she looks back on this she will understand and will give me the glory-I wish she would stop her own suffering now-it's pointless."

I hope that I will continue to grow in this area. The rest of this post is taken from Amanda Jones' blog, Baby Bangs. I've copied the prayer I mentioned and a few quotes. I'm putting it on my blog just so that I can remember because I want to be able to have that much trust and faith...

Dear Father in Heaven
On this day, May 17, 2009,
We ask You to set apart our beloved
Annabeth Ellen Jones
To Your great glory.
Grant her a heart to love You,
To love Your Word,
And to love Your people.
With grateful hearts
For this precious gift of life,
We pray in Jesus' Name,
Amen.

"She is Yours, Lord. Use her for Your glory. Let her know and love You. "

"My daughter has a purpose and it has nothing to do with me. It extends beyond the five years she'll be in my constant care, beyond the 18 years she will live in my home, beyond my own lifetime and into eternity. God has a plan for her. "

"......He reminded me that my baby belongs to Him. My child, who delights me to no end, is the apple of her Father's eye. "

"We're waiting, fervently praying that this will not be, and rededicating our daughter to her Father as often as we have to. But if this physical challenge in His plan, we will resolve to believe God. "