My pictures are in no particular order and the first picture is clearly unrelated to the title of this post because my mother would never be dressed like that without makeup late in the afternoon after paying a visit to Nana. Anyhoo, I've just posted a few pictures that didn't make the cut for the 2010 Mulick Family Christmas Card. I included the first one to show that Ryan had the camera and Charley was crawling all over the place while expecting me to also feed her a bottle. The picture with me is also the scene of my worst parenting moment yet. Maybe if I document it publicly then nothing like that will ever happen again. I'm kidding myself because if taking a picture for a Christmas card brings out the creature that came out today then I'm in trouble in about 12 to 13 years...or should I say the subjects of the above pictures (and Pat) are in trouble.
So, I decided to take it upon myself to get the Christmas card picture taken today while I was home with both girls. Usually I would wait for Pat but when he gets home people are tired and sometimes fussy and sometimes even the children are too. I wanted it done before the weekend,too, so I decided it would be our afternoon activity after naps. So, I'm getting them dressed in their new Christmas pajamas and Ryan insisted on getting her baby dressed before she got herself dressed (she just last night discovered the fun of dressing and undressing her babies). I wanted to wet her hair and dry it so it would at least not look like she just crawled out of bed. So, she was wallowing around with her hair touching the ground and when she would sit up she would rub it on me like a cat so that when I tried to curl it with the brush she would immediately just mess it up. This little routine of "just have to get Huggums dressed first" and purposefully rubbing her hair on things was about to put me over the edge. So, we were in the foyer and Ryan wouldn't come to me when I asked to finish up her hair...I was almost finished. I had a mission and she was not cooperating. I'm not exactly sure what happened right before I snapped and yelled in the loudest and meanest voice ever for Ryan to "Stop It" at the same time that I slammed the brush down on the floor like a judge's gavel but afterward I was horrified. Ryan just looked at me with big eyes and listened and moved close to me to finish her hair. We finished her hair and I apologized to her and told her how much I loved her and that I was sorry for not acting nice. She was very sweet and gave me a hug and told me she loved me. We got the first batch of pictures done and then as promised she got to take some pictures of her babies, stockings, Charley, and me.
I thought we were done with the pictures but then I asked if we could do some more because I hadn't gotten many good ones. There was only one where they were both smiling and looking at the camera. To my surprise she said yes. This time I was determined to get some good ones and I would stop at nothing including urinating on myself and making Charley laugh so hard that she threw up in her mouth (I'm not kidding-I wish I was). I put them on the ottoman and proceeded to stand up and jump around making crazy noises that made them both laugh hysterically every time I did it. When I would jump, the damage done to my body by birthing these two caused me to not be able to control my bladder. I didn't care because they were smiling and laughing and looking at the camera. After several more pictures Charley was laughing so hard and I noticed she had something white in her mouth-she had spit up but it was still in her mouth. Merry Christmas! She has not spit up in a very long time. Again, I was willing to suffer these adverse effects to get a good picture. Especially after my earlier behavior. What a shame to act like a mean-ole-Mommy and come out with mediocre pictures.
So, I must say that I have a little bit more understanding and mercy toward my own mother who I don't recall ever acting like such a freak about something so minor which I find very disturbing. She handled much bigger situations better than I handled today. I learned that your own children sure do have a way of bringing out behavior that you would never believe about yourself especially toward your precious children. I'm just at the beginning of this but it's already really difficult to have these little personalities that want to do things differently than I want them to. If they would just listen and do it my way everyone would be calm and happy. But, we all know it doesn't happen that way so I need to learn quickly that its not going to happen and I can't go around acting like I did today when it doesn't.
As the afternoon rolled on I apologized to Ryan several more times telling her I was sorry for not talking nice. I kept telling her that I loved her. I worried that she would think I felt about her the way I acted toward her. One of the first times I was apologizing she told me "I love you Mommy from here to the moon and back." Ahhhh, if that doesn't make me feel wonderful but also just pitiful that she is so loving and forgiving after I had been so mean. She kept saying "Guess what?" I would say "what?" She would say "I love you Mommy." We were doing that back and forth. I told her that everyone sometimes has trouble talking nice when they are mad or frustrated and I can't remember if I asked or if she just told me but she was aware that she does this too and I could sense some empathy coming from her-that she has had the same experience and understood.
Julie texted yesterday saying she got nothing accomplished that she had planned for the day because Addie was sick. I texted back saying that I usually try to set one small goal that I know I can accomplish (like keeping the kitchen clean) so that I don't put too many expectations on myself and feel frustrated. What a wise soul I was yesterday. Ha! Put me in a real life situation and it all just falls down around me.
This morning we were putting our Jesse tree ornament on the tree and today's topic was about the introduction of sin and doing things that make God unhappy. Ryan was able to say that God wants us to love him and be kind to others (I find that amazing because that's what Jesus says the law boils down to-how did she know those two things when I've never specifically told her those are the two most important things we need to do according to God). So, one minute Mommy is teaching about how God wants us to be kind to others and the next minute she is acting as mean as she ever has acted. Not good.
I know that God's strength is the only possible way for me to overcome my own selfishness (which is what today boils down to) and I'm so thankful that Jesus died on the cross so I can be forgiven for the many ways that I don't use that strength and instead rely upon my own.
Sorry for the disjointed post but it turned in to more than I expected....
KK
P.S. I realize the title could come across sounding as if I mean to be negative toward my own mother but I don't. It's really the opposite. I've had very high expectations for her and don't allow her to be "human" as a parent. Today I was frustrated about something I would have told her was silly to be frustrated about and that it wasn't important...hence the title.
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