Rock-A-Bye Baby Charley

Tonight I'm mourning a milestone in our family. We rocked Charley and put her down in her crib for the last time. The crib I spent months researching and tracking down from a company in Canada. The crib that had a tiny black mark on it and I thought it wasn't perfect enough for my unborn baby and I wanted to send it back to Canada for another one. As a side note, Jeanne Mae saw the black mark and casually said that nothing with kids would be "perfect." I was of course polite but internally thought that in my world things would be perfect and would look perfect. I should have listened to the mother of six and grandmother of sixteen. Back to the crib...it seemed so big when we put little preemie Ryan in it for a photo shoot in Spokane where her hair looked like she had been electrocuted. It had the cutest brown and pink striped/polka dotted "non-baby" looking bedding. It is the crib I have leaned over and patted sweet little girls in hopes they would finally fall asleep. It is the crib from which angry screams have come when little girls have to "cry it out." Charley definitely beat Ryan in the category of who can scream the longest and/or make oneself vomit so the parents come get you out of the crib. It is the crib from which an angry and impatient and selfish Mommy has tiptoed away too many times to count hoping to get a few minutes to myself.

Since the crib is going I am assuming the rocking will go, too. We'll still have rocking chairs but at night we will lie in bed with Charley like we do Ryan. So, I thought about it being the "last time" we rock Charley before bed. We have been switching off where I rock Charley first and Pat lies with Ryan and then we switch. Tonight was special knowing it was probably one of the last times I'll ever rock her again. I was in less of a rush and just enjoyed her talking to me. I thought of the moments I've missed when I've wanted her to fall asleep faster so I could get on with what I need to do. Dishes, laundry, reading....as if those things were more important. Then, when I was in bed with Ryan I looked over at Pat rocking Charley and could barely contain my tears. I was reminded of all of the times when they were little babies and he would sit for hours holding them.

Charley has been consistently going to sleep in her crib without problems since we got back from vacation last week. She was more inconsistent prior to the vacation but we have been bribing her with a big girl bed if she goes to sleep without crying or needing us to come back in the room. Today was the day that her big girl bed arrived at Spraggins House and she ran to her room (knowing it was probably there) and threw herself on it. Her face was so very happy and a few minutes later she was lying on it and said excitedly "I love my big girl bed!" I guess all transitions will be like this...bittersweet. I'm so happy she's excited about growing up but heartbroken that in this way she will not be my little baby anymore.

All of that excitement about the crib for Ryan 5 years ago has come and gone and we are now in the next stage. The baby stage is gone already. People say it goes so fast and it does. I try to remember that and cherish the moments but too often life gets in the way and I just want to move on to the next thing for the day or on my agenda. I hope this milestone will be a reminder of how fast the time goes and for me to slow down and soak up all of the potential precious moments with these two little girls. I know I did tonight.

Changing subjects: Pat just said "You know what makes me sad? Not having my big screen t.v. at our new house."

Sigh....

KK