Offspring See, Offspring Do

I'm getting remiss on posting as regularly as I would like. I've had various things I think about to post but never get around to it. Yesterday during a meeting I made a list of those things while I had the outward appearance of listening intently to all of the maladies of the inpatient rehabilitation patients.

I've been thinking about how Ryan (and I suppose all children) model the behavior they see their parents and other adults engaging in. Here are some recent examples:

1) I told Ryan that she had to be quiet and go in her room while I was trying to get Charley to drink her bottle before a nap. The next thing I know she is walking back and forth between the open curtains separating our bedroom from our sitting room/Charley's room. She had her baby doll up on her shoulder and was patting its back with one hand and bouncing vigorously as she walked back and forth. It was funny because I know many kids imitate their parents by taking care of their baby dolls. But her specific way of walking and bouncing made me see what I must have looked like when doing it with Charley when she had colic. She was kind of lunging while bending her knees and also vigorously bouncing the baby by moving her arms. It was so dramatic. I know Charley was happiest with bouncing that appeared to border on a little too much. Watching Ryan makes me think that we should take Charley in for a CT scan of her brain to make sure I didn't do any damage.

2) I was doing my Bible Study in bed and Ryan said she wanted to do her Bible Study, too. She went to get her Jesus Storybook Bible and sat in bed with me and looked through the pictures. Too cute. I was very happy with that imitation and hope that I will continue to model that behavior throughout R & C's growing up years. I don't think going to church and talking about God, Jesus, morals, and values cuts it if kids don't see you living it. I'm so happy that they will know God is important to me and that I make time for Him on most days. I pray this doesn't change. I'm happy they will see that God is where I turn when I need help. However, I'm not happy about what they may see in terms of of me living what I believe. More on that later.

3) Ryan put on my exercise shirt that was hanging on the drying rack. She walked into the room where Pat was and said that she was going to exercise and she started marching and doing something with her arms (she went to bootcamp with me a couple of times so I guess that's where she got that). So, I'm glad that she is seeing me take care of myself. Leslie told me about an interview with Michelle Obama on women taking the time to care for themselves. I looked it up and she said: "Women in particular need to keep an eye on their physical and mental health, because if we're scurrying to and from appointments and errands, we don't have a lot of time to take care of ourselves. We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own 'to do' list....Well, I just started thinking, if I had to get up to go to work, I'd get up and go to work. If I had to get up to take care of my kids, I'd get up to do that. But when it comes to yourself, then it's suddenly, "Oh, I can't get up at 4:30." So I had to change that. If I don't exercise, I won't feel good. I'll get depressed." I thought that was a good point-not that we should be consumed with self-care (as I am much of the time--e.g. massages, therapy, exercise, etc.) but it shouldn't fall to the wayside either. So, I feel good that Ryan sees that exercise is something I regularly (try to) do to take care of myself. Diet is another issue. My eating is not something I would want my children to learn from me. Ryan is getting to the age where I have to hide some of the things I eat or the amount that I eat because it is totally unhealthy and not something I would want her to copy (7 Reces peanut butter cups in a span of 15 minutes, dipping fries in mayonnaise, fast food too often, eating way beyond the point of being full to the point of feeling sick). I hope I can change these behaviors for the sake of R & C not following in my footsteps but this is going to be a hard one for me to work on over the years because I love bad food in large quantities!

4) Ryan put my work shoes on and said she was going to work. I'm glad she sees that I have a strong work ethic (ha-I've been blogging at work for 1.5 hours right now--that's what I'm saying, as she gets older she will figure out some of these things I don't want her to know...I'm not perfect and don't practice what I preach/believe all of the time). I am glad, though, that she sees that her mother works outside of the home and hopefully eventually she will see that my education has allowed me to do something that I enjoy (sometimes) and has allowed me freedom to stay home part-time, too. I hope that she will see that the world is open to her and that she can choose to do whatever she wants to do, including staying home with her own kids full-time if that is what she wants to do. But, I hope that she will see the value of education and that it provides opportunities. I'm also glad that she can see that Mommies can do things other than cook, clean, laundry, and play if they want to (one of her books has the Mommy at home doing housework and the Daddy going to work in the city:). The other thing about me working or exercising or whatever is not family-related is that she is seeing that it's good to have outside interests...I think those interests make me a better mother. Take last night for instance, I went to book club and missed the whole bedtime routine. This was the first time for that since Charley was born over 9 months ago. I came home refreshed and Ryan seemed a million times cuter than normal (it could have also been the vodka gimlet I had-delicious-never had them before). She was awake in bed and I got to tell her good night and she was smiling up at me touching my hair and face like she was in love with me. It was so cute. If I hadn't been out I would not have had the appreciation I had for her and her for me. I would have been hightailing it out of her room to get a moment to breathe.

5) I've mentioned I try to talk about God and Jesus with Ryan. I've also bought her some books. She has enjoyed some of them at times but oftentimes when she wants to read a book and I suggest something God-related she will say something like "no me like that one." The other day she wanted to sing a song and I suggested we sing "Jesus Loves Me." She didn't want to sing it. So, I downloaded Christian music for children. She loves it! We dance to it while we eat breakfast. The other day she asked if we could play some music and she requested "Jesus Loves Me." I was SO HAPPY!! I think music may be a good way to get some of the concepts across in a fun way.

So, this has turned into a post about what a wonderful mother I am and how I am setting such wonderful examples that will make my children such wonderful people that don't make mistakes or wrong choices. I didn't mean to do that so I will list a few things that are seriously imperfect so that my loyal readers will not think that I think I have it all together because God knows I'm one step away from a complete breakdown at most times and I just put one foot in front of the other and try to get through the day. It is by the grace of God that I have anything worthwhile for my children to imitate. Because most of the time I'm doing things that aren't that admirable. Like throwing baby spoons because Charley is refusing to eat. Or, being more excited than I should be on a Monday morning that Ryan is going to be heading off to school until 3:00. Or, after putting Charley down for a nap I lie on the couch and read my mindless book while the house is in disarray all around me. Or, on Sunday morning when Charley had a runny nose I was happy to not "have to go" to church. Or, putting off giving money to church so that more important bills can be paid such as professional photos of my children, country club membership, fast food, dance lessons for Ryan). Something tells me my priorities are not exactly right. One day soon Ryan will see what my priorities are by how I spend my time and money. I mentioned to Pat that I wanted to sponsor a child through the Compassion International project. A $38/ month donation would allow a child to be enrolled in a church-based child sponsorship program that provides: food and clean water, medical care, educational opportunities, important life-skills training, and Christian teaching with the opportunity to know God and Jesus Christ. There are thousands of children enrolled in the program without a sponsor right now. I've thought of the verse from Luke 12:48 alot lately (may have said it before): "For everyone to whom much is given, of him shall much be required." I've been blessed with so much and know that I don't meet my "requirement" in terms of being a good steward of what I have been given. Our children's needs are beyond met. What if Ryan didn't take dance lessons? She wouldn't know the difference at this age. But, I'm making the choice to send her to dance lessons rather than help a child know God. Also, Daddy went to Elgin for us last night and brought back some delicious Green Apple Smirnoffs for me and beer for Pat. The total was $28. We didn't flinch at making that purchase but our money is too important to consider $38/month for someone who needs our help. Writing that out is harsh but it's the truth. So, I say all of this just so you don't think I think too highly of myself. I don't. But, I'm glad for the things I've seen Ryan imitate and dread the day when she imitates my flaws that she is right now too young to notice. Children tell things as they see it (case in point--the really, really big woman from last week) and I hope that I will be able to learn from her as she points out some of my flaws.

So, that's my dissertation on the topic. I didn't intend for this to be so serious and thought it would just be a cute post about Ryan copying me. I've gotta go now because Marchetta brought a cheese ball to work that she made and I'm going to eat 3/4 of it and unbutton my pants because they will then be too tight.

KK