- Speaking of Charley's emotions, most people say that she is so "good natured" (Susan Lindblom) and "quiet" (Laura Ong). She is very adaptable and flexible as I have said before. She makes a good first impression. And, that really is her personality 95% of the time. But there is that last 5% that must be accounted for and it is not good natured or quiet. In fact, whatever the opposites of those words are would be good descriptors. Until this last week or so when she was mad she would cry hysterically like she had not been fed in 3 days (although for her that would not be a problem and I'll discuss that later). It was an angry cry. I remember still being in the hospital after she was born and I commented that she had an angry cry that Ryan never had. Well, it has continued on for 9 months and I don't want to imagine it continuing another 15 years. In the last week the cry has turned from a cry to a more manipulative scream at the top of her lungs while her face turns red and her body tremors. It's the worst, most aversive scream you can imagine. What makes Charley mad? Thank the good Lord very little. 1) 60% of the time changing her diaper will have this effect (this is new). She is very strong and will try to turn her body away and you feel like you are abusing her by restraining her in place to put the diaper on. 2) Being left in the Exersaucer or high chair 3 seconds past the time she wants out. 3) Putting her down or walking away-this only occurs 20% of the time and the other 80% of the time when you do this she is fine.
- I know in a recent post I said that she had started to crawl and get into things. Well, she now crawls fast and pushes up to sitting very well. She is trying to pull herself to standing and can almost do it without help but she still needs a little help. I think she could do it but she stops trying when she doesn't immediately pop up. She has pulled herself up if holding on to someone instead of something because we help her a little bit.
- She has a little table with various buttons that play different songs and sounds. She's so cute and will dance when the music comes on. She will sway back and forth or pretend to be a head banger. If she is sitting she will move one of her arms to the music.
- She still says Ma Ma and Da Da discriminately. She makes other cute sounds too but nothing else regularly. She is also waving well and clapping. She loves to hear patty cake.
- Charley watches t.v. when Ryan does. Bad idea. We kept Ryan from it until she was 18 months old and we went on a long car trip. Charley doesn't just sit and watch but she will watch and play. She starts dancing when Dora or Calliou comes on. Not a good sign. At least not if we want her to go through school without taking stimulants for ADHD.
- Today I noticed that one of her top teeth are coming in. I could see a little white and then checked and there was a little lump there.
- Her sleep is much better on some fronts (naps and going to sleep at night) and unchanged on other fronts (from 10 p.m. until the morning). The improvement though is life changing. After letting her cry it out, she is now able to be put in her crib awake and she may fuss a couple of minutes but she will go to sleep. She will nap for about an hour. She napped two and a half the other day. Bedtime is the same. But, different story for rest of the night. I leave her in the pack and play until 10 p.m. after she goes to sleep around 6:30 to 7:30. Sometimes she wakes up and will cry a while. She was furious two nights ago and did her angry cry off and on for a couple of hours. (She actually started the angry crying while I was typing this. It's awful. I feel bad for her and want to go get her and save her but she has to learn to sleep by herself. She's not hungry). At 10 p.m. I figure it's reasonable that she's hungry again and she gets in our bed to nurse. The system falls apart here because I'm too tired to return her to her bed and she stays there the rest of the night. I know it must be confusing to her having to figure out when she is supposed to sleep in her bed versus our bed. Bad parenting. I know and I do feel bad about it. We will address this issue in September because I'm going on some overnight trips in October and in November Gin Gin and Bubby will be keeping her for four nights (mahahahahaha).
- Charley is a little peanut. She was weighed a couple of weeks ago and I've already forgotten what it was but it was between 15 & 16 pounds (Ryan weighed 15 pounds at 6 months and Charley is 9 months). She was between the 10th & 25th percentile in weight (that is where she has been most of the time which is good that it isn't changed). She's still chunky and has rolls on her legs and creases from the fat on her wrists. I have been concerned (to put it mildly) about this especially because I work so hard to get her to eat which is not easy. She doesn't take nearly as much milk as she is supposed to (but she nurses in the night so I just tell myself that makes up for it which it probably actually does). I apparently didn't take as much as I was supposed to as a baby either. Gin Gin says I actually looked skinny. I made her pureed avocado & banana last week and she liked that alot. After the appointment I kind of went crazy and became even more obsessed with her eating. I've changed some of the schedule around and she is eating a little bit more as of today I think. That is after Pat told me to back off and not give her a solid food lunch which seemed to work. Yesterday I was trying to feed her solid food and she would clamp her mouth shut. I forget that Ryan hardly ate any of the baby food and I was surprised by how much baby food Charley would eat. So, I expect her to eat as much as the most she has ever eaten at every meal and if she doesn't I become upset. So she was clamping her mouth shut and I was acting like a complete idiot trying to get her to smile and open her mouth and force the food in. It didn't work because she would smile and clamp her mouth shut as the spoon approached. It made a huge mess and she had to be changed several times yesterday. I was SO FRUSTRATED. Possibly more frustrated than I've ever been with her (maybe I was this frustrated with the colic but I have blocked that out because it was so traumatic). I was going to make a last ditch effort to give her one more bite (because that could make or break the rest of her life, right? at least that's how I was feeling inside) and she clamped the mouth shut. We were standing at the sink because I was putting the dish in the sink and when that mouth clamped shut I threw her baby spoon as hard as I could into the sink. I WAS SO MAD. I then realized that the problem was much bigger than I initially realized. I was in a power struggle with a 9 month old. I was not able to control her behavior (my mother is going to love that statement because she thinks I try to control hers). But, in comparison to Ryan who has always been pretty compliant and reasonable-this was different. I know 9 month olds cannot be reasonable but it just about drove me insane that I couldn't make her do what I wanted her to do. Fast forward in my mind 15 years. Not a good scene. To make matters worse, I had a bit of compassion for my mother who tried to control my behavior as a teenager--I mean things that I would want control over too for my child (drinking, drinking and driving, sex, alcohol, drugs, friend choices). If a 9 month old defies me and sends me into violence then I need to start working on anger management now. Whew-intense!! I can't imagine when it becomes about something emotionally charged.
OK, that's it about Charley. I hope this does not read as negative because I think she is just the greatest and I love her to a million little pieces. I'm just describing her antics and what seems to be her personality and that is OK. It will challenge me to be a better person and parent and for sure it will drive me closer to God if it doesn't drive me to the state hospital first.
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