Married with Children

I'm sitting here blogging after one of my two "spa days" by which I mean 10-hour workdays in a pretty emotionally exhausting job helping people deal with depession, anxiety, domestic violence, childhood sexual abuse, and chronic pain and illness. But, compared to my more important job-Mommie-it is a piece of cake. I did have a piece of white cake today with coconut icing after I asked my co-workers to hide any kind of chocolate AFTER I ate all of my co-worker's Reces easter Eggs and Kit Kats last week. I even had her hide the Reces eggs and came back asking for more and even looked through her things after she left. No willpower. Which is sort of what's going on right now. I worked 10 hours and got Charley bathed, fed, and in bed. I'll do stories and prayers with Ryan. Pat is bathing Ryan now. I should be cleaning up-dishes, toys, laundry, etc. But, I don't feel like it and feel like blogging. Which I think is OK even though both parents and husband have implied I would get more done if it weren't for blogging. But, if they will look back this is only the 4th blog posting in April. About one every four days-not taking up an inordinate amount of time.

Yesterday I was on the job as Mommie but I had a delightful and relaxing afternoon treat when I had a babysitter (Katee) come for 1 1/2 hours. It's amazing how your perspective changes after having two small children. You might think I had a cup of coffee with a friend or a pedicure or a massage. No, I went to the gynecologist to see if I had cancer because I was pretty sure I did. FYI-I didn't-I won't tell you what the problem was because even that is too much for me to put on the blog. But, the time in the waiting room reading magazines and sitting on the table half-naked with a sheet draped over me as I waited to present the doctor with the evidence of my fear was actually pleasant. Not that being home with Ryan and Charley is not wonderful. It is. When people say being a parent is the most wonderful thing in the world and at the same time the hardest thing that makes you want to pull all of your hair out-it's true. A little break is nice. Even a trip to the gyno to rule out terminal illness. After my appointment, I was heading home and then realized I must be insane. I had 40 more minutes of babysitting coverage. So, I drove around random neighborhoods and talked to Ashley for a few minutes. I went to the Heritage House and scored some cute clothes for Charley-which were so cute and I was so sad that she was too big for the 0-3 months clothes. Not so sad that I would want another baby, though. I was even relaxed as my mother stared at me in silent horror (when she thought I wasn't looking) that I would leave the house looking like I did (I thought I looked pretty good-Juicy sweats, clean shirt, shower, hair in ponytail, clean face, and teeth brushed). Then, I went to Sonic to get Ryan ice cream which turned out to be getting myself a strawberry-limeaide, banana split, and mozzarella sticks. Not kidding. I was going to get Ryan a banana split for a special treat but she took one bite and didn't like it. I was only going to eat the cheese sticks and limeaid-which is already bad enough.

I can't remember if I blogged about this before. But a couple of months ago I told Pat that he had ceased being a human being to me and was only part of the machinery. The machinery is the man-power it takes to keep this household running. One afternoon he came home and I realized I didn't even look at him. Literally I didn't "see" his human form. All I viewed him as was the person that was going to lighten my load and give me somewhat of a break. Pretty disturbing but normal I think (hope, pray). Then, today he came into my office and I told him he looked tired. He said it is because he is tired. I was like "tired? why are you tired?" He said it was because he hadn't slept for 10 days because he had been sleeping with Ryan since her surgery. He said his best night of sleep was last night on her hard floor. It's bad enough that I didn't realize how tired he was but then I realized that he may look normal and I just hadn't looked at him in so long I forgot what he really looked like. I'm not being funny here-this is true. There is NO TIME to even have a conversation. After kiddos are in bed, there are chores to be done and by then I'm so exhausted I go to bed and he goes to watch TV. Before you-and by you I mean Mommie-get too worried, I THINK this is normal. I know research shows that marital satisfaction is at its lowest when there are young children. So, all in all I think we are doing pretty well because I'm not dissatisfied with my marriage due to the fact that I don't even feel that I have one. No-all kidding aside-if this is as bad as it gets then we are good. I think we are making a great team and for the most part agree on the big things and can let the little things go. We can also still have fun and enjoy each other in the very few and far between moments that little people aren't shrieking, puking on us, or having their throat swabbed for strep. I'm very lucky to have a husband who is as involved with my children as he is. He also tolerates my "issues" very well for the most part-the word issues needs no further explanation because the only people that read my blog are my immediate family.

So, Ryan and Pat are drying her hair and I will be summoned for storytime. I'll get the chores done beforehand and won't feel guilty for my self-consumd ramblings.

KK